you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
