Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
