I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
