Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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