I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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