2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
