I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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