Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
