She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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