Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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