How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize