Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am spending my child support on dildos
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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