i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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