i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize