We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
