I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
