dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
