Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
