I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
