She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
