did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
