She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
