Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
