you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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