did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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