lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
