I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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