you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
