I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
