I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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