Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
