your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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