I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
