I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize