he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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