what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
