I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
