When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
