so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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