its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
