i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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