talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my phone needs a breathalizer
love makes seman taste better
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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