I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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