this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
