Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
