im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
