the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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