Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
