I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize