3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
