I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
