Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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