when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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