If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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