its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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