just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
