I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
