I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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