I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
