three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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