i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
