You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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