Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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