Me too!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
