Im at strip club and am horny
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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