I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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