i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
