exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
