there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
