Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
