boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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