She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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