i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
